The Sun Still Shines

So, Wow.  It's been an interesting week.  I had a pseudo-breakdown over last weekend but seem to be recovering.  I'm now on Zoloft which at the very least makes me realize that the sun DOES still shine.  I'm trying to do all things therapeutic now.  You know...good smells, hot showers, comfort food.  While I was at it, I thought I'd make a list of things I hate.  I've heard it feels good to write it down and I figure that surely therapy has caught up with technology and "typing" can substitute for "writing".  So..here goes:
(I'm sure this will be a week long project so feel free to check back in.)
1.  Jeremy
2.  Cats
3.  Being broke
4.  My car
5.  My mother is a hypochondriac
6.  Jeremy
7.  Renting instead of owning
8.  This 10 pounds I can't seem to lose
9.  I can't get organized
10. Needy grandparents
11.Jeremy
12.Jeremy
13.Jeremy
14. Smoking and not being able to quit
15.Corn
16.Baked Fish

Ok..I have to go break up the battle about to ensue in the other room, so..more later.  OH-
17. Breaking up fights between kids who should know better.

Back In The Day

Did you ever notice how much hotter 100 degrees is when you are over 30? We had soccer practice today..just like we do 3 days every week. This time, though, it was 100 degrees. I'm standing in the shade sweating my ass off telling my daughter on water breaks that it's almost over and she can handle it. Does that make me a horrible mother? I just keep going back to when I was 11 and I always played outside. Without fail, every day of the summer. I don't ever remember complaining that it was too hot. I mean, I realize that I wasn't running wind sprints and wearing 4 pounds of leg covering, but still. So I don't know...I'm just stressing about whether or not I'm some horrible slave driver. I just keep thinking...I'm paying an assload of money for her to play on this team. I have to make her practice. I'm thinking..ok..it was an hour and 45 minutes, but hey..she lived through it. No passing out. Only minimal delirium. (Ok..just kidding about that.) AND she came home..stripped down to her underwear in the back yard and played for 2 hours in the pool. So..I'm not so bad..right?

I've Got 99 Problems

And my bitchy sister is one of them. So...Annie is going to be 27 years old on Sunday. Most of us are fairly settled into life and routine by then. Not Annie of course. She was married to the father of her 7 year old daughter for a year. The longest she's ever held a job is probably 19 months. Well...she may have been at Hollywood video slightly longer. She hates her friends as much as they hate her. So anyway...she calls me a couple of days ago to ensure that I'm going to make her a birthday dinner of fried chicken and mashed potatoes. Not just any mashed potatoes..they need to be kind of lumpy but creamy with the skins still on and crumbled bacon, grated cheese and green onions served on the side for topping. So..being the kind and decent person that I am, I agreed. So..I set about inviting friends and family members for a small, casual gathering in honor of her birthday. Then, yesterday she called Shirlynn (sister #1) to let her know that she will not be coming to her own bday party because it's 30 miles to my house and gas is really expensive. Then she calls mom to say that she will not be eating for the entire month of August and possibly September because she is broke. Now..I should have seen this coming...things were getting way too smooth in her life. No crazy thug boyfriend, good job, custody issues settled, same house for 2 years, and..this was the kicker..new car. Well, new to her. And apparently the 98 Lumina is going to drain her bank account. Oh well...how about if I just buy her lots of chicken and potatoes for her birthday and she can eat that all month.

And yes...I admit, I'm a Jay-Z fan...what about it?

She's Freakin' Crazy and I Can Prove It!

Just so everyone else will know the misery that is not my life...I'm copying the email that I, along with about 8 other people, received from my insanely neurotic sister. You can read my comments in the bold, capital print just so I can straighten out any confusion. Here ya go:

top message for Bryce and Kenneth.......Just FYI.....I had a Mcalisters sandwich for lunch today and it really filled me up.....so no sandwiches for dinner......I'm open for whatever.....don't forget we'll have Kennedy too, I'm picking her up after work since Annie has class tonight! Be thinking what we could have for dinner. (WHICH SHE WILL HAVE ALREADY DECIDED BY THE TIME SHE GETS HOME.)

and.....just so everyone knows......Sunday is Annie's b-day and we will be having a b-day party for her out at Holly's house....I'm thinking around 3:00pm but verify w/ Holly if you coming.....Holly is making fried chicken and mashed potatoes for her dinner.....I'm making her cake but not sure what kind yet....possibly that kind w/ the special strychnine seasoning....I think that it is her favorite :) hehe >(HAVE TO INCLUDE THE ATTEMPT AT HUMOR SO THAT ALL OF US NORMAL PEOPLE WILL THINK SHE'S NOT SO CRAZY.)

Bryce......I know you'll be at Dad's this coming up weekend but I can pick you up from Grandma's before the party and take you back afterwards ....it would be good for you to go since family will be there, and I know you personally want to wish Annie a Happy Birthday! :) (SHE WILL ONLY SEE HER SON FOR 5 MORE DAYS BETWEEN NOW AND SUNDAY SO REALLY NEEDS TO INCLUDE THIS I GUESS.)

Mandy.....I'm copying you as an FYI in case you and Makenna want to come out! :)

and Jill....I'm copying you too in case you want to bring out the kids or just yourself! :)

and Holly I'm copying you b/c your making the dinner :) (SHE MEANS SHE'S COPYING ME TO IRRITATE THE SHIT OUT OF ME.)
and Travis.....I'm copying you because I wouldn't want you to feel left out of the loop even though your not here :) hehe (HE'S IN FREAKIN' SEATTLE!!)

I will also take this opportunity to attach a picture of my beautiful dog and show you just how cute Oliver is!!! :) (THIS IS A WEEKLY TREAT)


Talk to you all soon! :)
Shirlynn

Wallpaper

Holly and I would like to tell everyone the secret to succesful wallpapering - drink all day before you begin. That's it. (Really, isn't that the secret to all tasks though?)

Sex, Lies, and Videotape

Ok..So this post has absolutely nothing to do with sex or videotape, but it sounded good. Really it's just about lies. And I've been pondering lies. I mean really pondering. You might even say I've been examining them. There are so many degrees and levels of lies and I'm trying to decide if one degree or level causes more damage than another. See..Here's my experience with lies and those who tell them (which will hereafter be referred to as "liars"): Jeremy (the fucking ididot-for those who have not been introduced) was a habitual/compulsive and possibly pathological liar. I've not really researched the degrees involved there, but I know that he was right on the edge of being treatable. He would lie to me about miscellaneous subjects for miscellaneous reasons. He once came home and told me this whole story about this old man on his job site that had a heart attack and dropped dead..Right there on the job! He gave details about how scared everyone was and what disbelief was being murmured among the other construction crews. It was truly a story that tugged at the heart strings. About 2 days later I show up at the job site to have lunch with him and there's the old man. Presumably resurrected. I mean..I heard an hour long eulogy about it just 48 hours before. I can only assume that he did that kind of thing for his own entertainment. On another level, Ken lied to me in a whole different kind of way. When he tried it out, he just failed to tell the truth. Some may not consider that a lie, but I think it's the worst kind of lie, once discovered. When someone hides something very important (like taking another woman to lunch and calling her repeatedly from your office)it seems to cause paranoia. The straight-out liar is usually easy to recognize and you can just call bullshit when you see it. The playing field is pretty level. So...So far we have two levels/degrees...The straight-out fucking idiot liar and the hide-the-truth liar. Then there's that in between thing where you have someone that tells half-truths and straight-up lies. Those are the worst. You become paranoid AND you have to call bullshit. The bad thing about paranoia is that it always wins. Once it sets in, it is always the overwhelming emotion in your life. You see the bullshit AND you try to call it but then you wonder...If this is what I see and know to be bullshit, what must they be hiding?..(hence the paranoia). I don't know..I just don't get the lying thing. I know when I've lied, it was only to cover my ass. I don't know why else there would be necessity to lie. So when someone lies to me, I assume that they are covering their own ass. And some liars have their asses in a sling as it is and aren't really limber enough to be reaching around the sling to cover their ass. So maybe those liars should concentrate more on getting their ass out of the sling that is about to send them spread-eagle flying over the wall of what-was-once-their-life and concentrate less on covering their ass. That's all I've got to say about that. Oh..And I love you, Jill.

1 Sheep, 2 Sheep, 3 Sheep, 4...

I am almost positive that if you ask any person capable of verbal or non-verbal communication in my home where they "draw the line"...you know, that one thing in their lives when they could not choke back protests or sacrifice their values to allow it...you would definitely hear something like this:
"Oh...where do I draw the line? Hmmm...well, yeah, no wait...oh yeah...definitely I draw the line when Momma/Holly wants to rest her weary eyes for a period of more than 6.2 minutes. Yeah...I definitely cannot take part in allowing that to happen. Nope..not on my watch."

I'm pretty sure that's what you'd hear.

They Like Me! They Really, Really Like Me!

I'm a little scared that someone has actually viewed this nonsense that I refer to as "not my life". But very excited! I was reading over Dena's life last night and noticing how incredibly less dull it is than my own. And the best part of all...Her husband goes out of town! Ok..That's not the best part, but it would be nice. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in this alternate reality though. At least that's what I think that it is. Since I'm not schooled on the deeper realms of psychology yet, it may quite possibly be another dimension. Hell, for that matter, it could be a whole different universe. Because really, if we don't know what's at the edge of this one, how do we know there's not another one?

Good or Evil? Chicken or Egg?

I've really been thinking hard (maybe a little too hard) about Jill's last post. (You can find it at http://www.burysecretshere.blogspot.com) It referenced Mirandola vs. Machiavelli philosophy. She says she used to believe people were inherently good and corrupted by evil (Mirandola) but has changed her mind. I think that might be what I believe also but I have to wonder. It's far too much contemplation for one little girl under the influence of drugs. Kind of like those panic attacks I get when I try to figure out how God can just exist. I mean...I can buy into the whole God-created-the-heavens-and-the-earth theory, but what really stresses me out...How did God get here? And what's at the end of the universe? And is there life after death? Is there life before life?

Narcotic-induced Psychic Abilities

Sooo...The last week has been miserable. I think. I've been medicated so I'm not positive but I am positive that it would have been miserable without the medication. I took a trip to the dentist last Thursday with a toothache that I'm sure my ex-husband's grandmother probably cast on me. Turns out it was wisdom tooth that needed to be pulled but couldn't be done till Tuesday. So I got Tylenol 3's which made the fireworks much more interesting. Of course they made me completely nauseous too. So..Anyway. The tooth is out. I'm now taking Darvocet and content with the results. Of course in the meantime, Jeremy has received the wage assignment for child support that I filed with the courts and is apparently going to do what every loving father does when he is asked to pay the child support that he owes....He's gonna be a frickin' truck driver. Which leads me back to the title of this post. I dreamed night before last that the dumbass came to me and said he wouldn't be seeing the girls for a while because he was going to go on the road with his brother (a certified truck driver). And while he was on the road he was going to catch a NASCAR race. So...Since he would be self-employed he would not be able to pay child support directly from his check and didn't know what or when he could pay me. I was bitching to my mother about him, as usual, and told her this whole story last night. Then..get this..Jeremy calls today and tells the girls that he's going to be out of town for about a month because he has to go to Texas to train to be a truck driver!! Spooky, huh? And by the way..You can't train to be a truck driver in Oklahoma? I'm thinking this will be the perfect life for him. I really can't stand the anticipation of talking to him and trying not to laugh out loud as he rambles on about how he's lost his "niche" in the world and obviously will only get it back by driving a truck. Should be quite interesting. Fucking idiot.