I'm moving on. And I'm not afraid. And I'm not sad. And I'm not hurting.
And that's ok.
I know, I know...I'm in total denial and it's not healthy and blah, blah, blah. I'm pretty sure that I may have entered another dimension at some point and I'm being forced by nature to live some poor loser's life.
Some things need no justification, no verification, no explanation. There are things in life that just are. Today....right now...I just know. I just know that I've made all the right decisions. I just know I'm going the right direction. I just know this is where I'm supposed to be right now.....I just know.
Every day is a little better than the one before.
It's crazy how you don't realize how much you've missed something or how much you've needed something until you have it again. It makes you wish you'd never waited so long to find it again. Or....maybe it only means so much now because you waited so long. Or because you're more able to appreciate it. Or because you're mature enough to understand its significance.
I feel good. Reallyreallygood, surprisingly. I feel like I can breathe. I feel like I can think. I feel my sanity seeping back in. I feel like I can live according to my own imagination and not as a prisoner of someone else's. And I'm sleeping. Through the night. Comfortably. That, my friends, is a true barometer of my life......
I can't flippin' sleep! I'm sooooo tired and I can't sleep. No OTC sleep aid, no prescription narcotic, no amount of alcohol can save me. You know how I know? I've tried all of them. Overandoverandoveragain. Sometime in the wee hours of the morning, I will finally fall asleep only to awake exactly 4 and 1/2 hours later. I'm so tired that I can't recall all that REM cycle research I've read about, but I'm fairly certain I'm not sleeping the required number of hours to reach the required stage of sleep to maintain the required degree of sanity required by society.