Joy, Pain and Confused Violation

Yesterday afternoon Edie woke up from her nap just in time to go pick up the girls from school. I got her all bundled up and into the carseat. We proceeded down the driveway and she says, "I happy to see you, Mommy." How incredible is that? This child that spends nearly every waking moment of her life with me is happy to see me!

We have soccer tonight. Last week was a nightmare. Ciera insisted on going to the game straight from her grandmother's wake. The first half was painful. It hurt me to watch it. Two minutes into the 2nd half she was benched...for the first time EVER. Rightfully, I admit. It was tough though. It was bound to happen. She's been playing keeper for 3 years now and it was inevitable. I hope tonight is better. We start outdoor again in 2 weeks. It's much better for me. Indoor soccer is just so fast and leaves little room for error.

I have this problem. This whole online classes thing is severely cutting into my blogging and internet porn time. I'm none too happy about this and thinking I may have to do some rescheduling.

Does everyone have one of those siblings that tries to cryptically give you guilt trips? I have one and she drives me fucking nuts. Every conversation goes something like this:

Me: So..I guess it's going to snow today.

Her: Yeah. I saw that. Of course, it might as well snow everyday for me. It's not like I really have someone to keep me warm anytime.

Me: (ignoring last comment) Are you going to the soccer game tonight?

Her: Well, I'd like to but I have all this work to do and then I really need to clean my room. Of course, since I don't really have anything else to do with anyone I've spent a lot of time cleaning my room lately.

Me: (ignoring last comment) Have you talked to Mom lately? I tried to call her a couple of times yesterday but never got her.

Her: No. I really don't talk to her much lately. I guess since I already have a degree, she doesn't really have much time for me these days. I called her last week but when I asked what she was doing, she said she was putting up all the breakables because Edie was coming over so you could finish up some homework. I figured that must have really been taking up her time, so I just told her I'd call her another time.

Me: (ignoring last comment but getting irritated) Hmmm. So anything exciting going on?

Her: No. I'm thinking of just transferring to another state. I don't think anyone would really notice. At least then everyone might be happy to see me if it was only a couple times a year.

Me: So..I guess it's going to snow today.

As you read this conversation, you may be tempted to add in a whiny voice or sarcastic overtone. Don't. All of the above guilt trip is given via the normal-everyday-please pass the ketchup kind of delivery. I always have this dazed and violated feeling when I finish talking to her. It's not like this is the kind of conversation we have on a bad day. This is the kind of conversation we have EVERY day.