Bitch Session in Progress: Please Turn Off Your Cell Phone and Use Your Inside Voice

I'll just go by topic. Find one that interests you and feel free to join.

Ex-husbands: Ok, First: My oldest child "became a woman" this weekend during her stay with her father. I received a phone call from the daddy and to his credit he was actually able to somewhat mask the near-hysteria in his voice. Seems that she "started her thing" and the wife was away and he didn't know what to do.
"Well, Jeremy, is she ok?"
"I don't know, Holly, she's in the bedroom."
"Did you give her a pad or something?"
"No! I already told you I didn't know what to do! I've been trying to reach you for an hour!"
"Nice. Let me talk to her."
"Avery!!! Come get the phone and take it to your sister." (Like she has the plague or something.)
Long story short...she was fine and able to handle it on her own.

Ex-husbands (still): It's soccer registration time again. I pay all of the monthly dues (year round) for Ciera to play competitive AND this month I have to pay an extra $45 for the indoor season. I asked Jeremy to make sure he gets Avery registered for spring season ($35) and he says he'll have to see what he can do. Ok, asshole, I pay $600 a year for registrations, dues, and equipment. Surely you can find a fucking way to swing the $35 twice a year. Or, if you want, just pay me the $4000 that you owe me and we'll call it even.

12 year old menstrual issues: Ok...I'm proud that my daughter is growing up. I feel bad that she has to join the ranks. I want her to be comfortable and confident and all those things. I have been the perfect picture of supportive and sensitive. But really...don't ask me one more fucking time in 30 minutes if I think you should change that thing!!!! Of course I will smile and say all of the appropriate things but in my head I am thinking of locking you in the bathroom with a year's supply of sanitary items and making you stay there until they're gone.

Unethical, bastard business owners: The deep-freeze that we had last week resulted in a broken window in my husband's truck. We spent the better part of a morning locating someone that wanted to bring their mobile service to his place of employment in the bitter cold to fix it. The man that we settled on came there the next day and happily replaced the glass for a small sum of $150. My husband was warm and dry and we were all happy. Two days later, Ken gets in the truck, closes the door and the fucking thing shatters into a million pieces. We call the said bastard and politely explain that the glass must have been defective or perhaps the installer overlooked some small detail that resulted in the freak breakage. He politely told us that we could shove it up our collective ass because he doesn't do faulty work and maybe if we tried closing the door a little easier it wouldn't have happened.

Asshole professors: Ok...I shouldn't have waited. I shouldn't have taken the government class online. There are probably many things I could have done to avoid taking this class at this time. Still...I think that there has been and continues to be plenty of information written about this lovely system that we call a democracy. Is it seriously necessary for me to write 15 two to three page essays and a 10 page paper about the shit?? AND if you're going to make me do that, is it seriously necessary for me to take a mid-term AND final AND weekly quizzes?? And is it really necessary to have that whole plagiarism lecture on your site? How can I really avoid it when you want me to write that much shit about something that so much shit has been written about already??

Mothers: Ok...some people are happy being under-achievers. I may lean slightly toward the over-achiever side. That may annoy the hell out of you. Don't try to talk me out of success. No, I don't think that 16 hours is more than I can handle. No, I don't think I'll be the crazy one by the time I get a psychology degree EVEN if I do continue at "this rate." My exact words to her: "You should quit bitching and just be grateful that I'm paying for it instead of you."

Parent-teacher conferences: I always get the note that says my children are doing great in school and a conference is not necessary. So why, then, must I suffer through the day out of school because other people have children that are not doing so great? And why do parent-teacher conferences have to take place on the Friday before MLK day when they really don't need the 4 day weekend. They were just out of school for 17 fucking days in a row. They've only been back for 9!! Come on...throw me a bone here.

Ok...I feel better. Please remember to fill out the survey and drop it in the box by the door. We are always trying to improve these sessions to better meet your needs.