Requesting a Fly By

You know...I'm always looking for a good excuse to blame all the bad shit on. I could go for the "my parents didn't raise me right" excuse, but that's just too predictable. EVERYONE uses that one. There's always the public school system, but..again...predictable. Besides, that one is much better used when discussing issues like gun-wielding kindergarteners and teenage pregnancy. There's always the ever-present "governmental oppression" excuse, but that's probably reserved more for the people that are living in the home-made bunker under their makeshift bathroom that has no running water. I'd just feel bad to use that one. I may have hit on something though. Bear with me on this one as it may seem a little far-fetched at first glance.

Flash back to 1986. I'm 13 years old. Jill and I were "the shit." (If you don't believe me, ask her.) You know...we spent hours curling our hair and putting on lip gloss and blue eye shadow. We knew every word to every song they played on The Edge and words to some songs they didn't. We were as cool as you could probably be when you're 13. That's the way I remember it anyway.
We lived in a very small town and the nearest movie theater was in a not-much-bigger town nearby. The theater itself was small and there was no "stadium seating" or reclining seats. We sat in the back because we were way too cool to sit where there were parents or, god forbid, younger kids. We were there to see "Top Gun." Actually, we were there to see Tom Cruise, larger than life. He was a heartthrob. Even better, he was a bad boy heartthrob in this one. Which brings me to my newest excuse for the bad things in my life right now. There's a scene...I'm sure you remember...where Maverick sits through a training class with Charlie and he totally shows her up. She is obviously flustered to the hilt and he is obviously loving it. Even at 13, I could easily recognize the sexual tension being created on this screen in front of me. What followed is a scene where the two of them are alone having a very heated conversation about what had taken place in that room. What she says, eventually, is along the lines of, "I just don't want everyone in that room to see right through me and know that I've fallen for you." My heart skipped a beat at that moment. I remember it clearly. It was the moment that I knew the guy would get the girl and the girl would be head over heels in love with him. It was the moment that I knew I wanted that in my life someday. It was the intensity and the climax of that moment, those words she said. It was the way she was breathless and flush. It was so many emotions and all at one time.

That movie instilled something in me that is still vivid 20 years later. So...I think this is the best excuse for why I can't be happy. I want THAT. I want the intensity, the passion. I want to be breathless and flush. I want to want someone so much that it makes me angry and excited all at once. I want someone to kiss me like he kissed her. I want a man that can melt me no matter how strong or independent I may be. I don't want someone just because they have a good job and can pay the bills. I don't want someone because they make a good father. I don't want someone because he is comfortable or stable or funny. I want what Charlie had. So...long story short--I need Maverick. Anyone have his number?